Create or Consume? That is the question.
It’s a bit of a loaded question, but not really. Spring and early summer of 2021 I was on the decent of pregnancy, past the 30 week range with my second son. If you have carried a babe, you know the feeling. Your brain has gone into sabotage mode (i.e. ZERO capacity for memory) because it has gone primal. When I’m pregnant, I no longer believe I am living in the twenty-first century. Nah. It is time to gather and hunt, create a mud hut and nest. Prior to babe’s, my husband was already a decent gardener. After my first son, I saw the brilliant potential of growing and hoarding, I mean storing food. I started playing around with recipes to see how we could use our garden with minimal waste. But then August came, Jack was born and all the harvest from late summer went into the compost heap. Win some, lose some.
Beyond stocking the freezer with shepherds pie and butternut soup, my primal brain also switches into a “hibernate mode”. Meaning I become incredibly sensitive about any/all content I consume: articles, shows, podcasts, movies, etc. (It hasn’t helped the world has been a hell-scape but that’s for a different post.) Instead I find myself prepping for postpartum emotionally by listening and watching things that reassure my heart. I’m glad this was intuitive and I know this isn’t true for all people. I think I have my past sh*t and mistakes (read sins) to thank. I have gone through enough rough life transitions with little preparation for the other side, my soul knows my mind needs better nutrition for the rough seas ahead. (Thank you Holy Spirit.)
It was middle of June, t-minus 8 weeks until Jack landed and I grabbed dinner with Beth, a keeper of a friend and an avid reader with solid book recommendations. She encouraged me to pick up an Allie Stuckey book called You’re Not Enough (And That’s Okay). Stuckey cover’s a range of myths society, social media, etc. direct towards women and more specifically new moms and let me say, AMEN. The book has a lot of hot takes and I know will not be adored by all. It’s cool, but for the sake of reaching across the aisle, listening and beginning healthy conversations with people of opposing views… here was my take away.
Our culture is full of ambiguous slogans “you are perfect the way you are”, “you are enough”. In the same breath, advertisements are showing you what you need to be perfect/enough: look younger, skinnier, more successful. What is it then? I’m enough now or I’ll be enough after I buy your nighttime anti-aging eye cream? I’m sure all demographics feel vulnerable and targeted but let me tell you, Instagram has truly cornered the market on mom-guilt.
“Buy the ballgown for maternity pictures, your baby will think you don’t love them” or “Your child’s nursery needs a woodland color pallet scheme otherwise they won’t have friends when they are 12” and “If you don’t buy this postpartum binding tummy wrap, your body will NEVER return to it’s 18 year old shape*”.
*There is zero correlation in ballgowns and parent/child bonding. Also zero correlation in interior design and a child’s social and emotional intelligence. Lastly, even if a time machine was invented, no one is returning to their 18 year old body, get behind me Satan.
I digress, after reading the book I realized how hot the water had become (boiling frog analogy anyone?). I took a quick inventory on my latest purchases, why did I get them? Were they necessary? Better yet, is my joy cup still being fulfilled months later after purchasing them? Okay so where was my breach? Where am I being sold a bag of lies? Instagram and Target. Those are my hot buttons. Why? Well they both are selling lifestyles not things which is brilliant and good on em’ but my wallet ain’t about it. So. I got off of social media and immediately felt like a torrent of water had stopped hitting my face. It was nice. Also creepy because my body literally underwent a physiological reaction, I could feel my brain slowing and centering to present. Second up, Target. I created boundaries, which at first looked like written lists that I had to honor by not buying outside the lines. That failed so now I don’t go. Full stop.
The moral to the story is simply women and new moms are being targeted on purpose because advertisement companies know they feel insecure and vulnerable. This is not breaking news, it is helpful to remember however. So what can our response be, oh motley band of beautiful baby bearing babes or whoever wants to join? We can reject it. I chose rebellion in this case. And I do it by not going on Instagram for short sabbaticals. I do it by sending my husband to Target. Seriously. I try to see how I can reuse or redeem clothing, furniture, decor from my own home and/or do swaps with my sisters/friends. I want to support businesses in the market of “recycling” clothes. I know a few gals who have started businesses selling and re-homing kid clothes, another gal has a shop reselling gem finds at secondhand use stores.
I am not anti-capitalist, I am in fact married to a man who loves a good chat about the benefits of capitalism. I do however have an issue with our collective heart’s response to capitalism which is to believe the lie we need more to be happy.
We are individuals who have the capacity and power, for millennia, to create and sustain lives of purpose, joy and connection. To create homes, families, communities, shared meals, businesses with our hands. We are creators, we find purpose and joy in creating. The contentment we feel is based far less on what we have or lack and far more on what we fail to see we already have. It is not to say, be grateful for little and remain there. We are created for labor, either of our minds or hands or both. A wild wonder to life is, the more we try, fail, practice and work, the more fruit and joy we feel.
We are enough, we have been designed to create. To consume on occasion. But on the whole, clear the Amazon cart. Do it. And walk away friend.
