Growth, Rest and a Lesson from Frog and Toad

“My seeds will not grow,” said Toad. “You are shouting too much,” said Frog. “These poor seeds are afraid to grow.” “My seeds are afraid to grow?” asked Toad. “Of course,” said Frog. “Leave them alone for a few days. Let the sun shine on them, let the rain fall on them. Soon your seeds will start to grow.”

If you are not familiar with Frog and Toad or have forgotten the plot of The Garden, Toad toils day and night wooing his seeds to grow. He reads them stories by candlelight, sings songs, reads poems, plays music until he exhausts himself and falls asleep. He is woken by Frog telling him to look at his garden. Overnight while he slept, little green plants appeared. 

Hudson has been writing letters to Frog and Toad, the above are letters to Hudson from them.

The Clements household has dove deep into the land of Frog and Toad and this story has been read enough times I almost have it memorized. Maybe it is because of this the relationship between rest and growth has been top of mind. Or it could be because I am heading to a women’s retreat with my church this weekend and the last church retreat I went on had the theme of rest. Either way, it is true my soul has been thirsty for rest. This winter, with all its sickness and fatigue pushed my mind to a new level of perseverance I can only relate to physically. At times it felt like the last quarter mile in a 5 mile run or swimming the final two laps in a 400 IM .

Toad’s weariness came from striving and forcing something to grow. He grew so fatigued, he slept. My weariness this past season has been the bi-product of resting poorly. More specifically, I have been turning to the wrong source for rest which has allowed sneaky friends like doubt and fear to creep in. Instead of sleep, my brain has been doing the nifty trick of replaying past regrets, awkward conversations, or every bad decision I’ve made the moment my head hits the pillow. It’s super productive. I wish I could be an amphibian sometimes, the living seems good. Instead I’m a human with a soul living in a weird meat suit with an overly sensitive brain. I digress. The question I’m stuck with is simply, why is deep rest hard to come by? Why doesn’t it come naturally, similar to growth, why is it something we must learn and strive towards?

I think the answer to the first question is simply, deep rest is a gift. It is something we have been given. However we see it as something we must manufacture or earn. The source of that rest is of great debate of course. I have wandered and sought and returned time and time again to the same answer. We are not capable of creating sustainable peace for ourselves because we are not the source of peace. I am dependent on my creator, my savior and the spirit placed in me by Christ to feel and experience peace. In the same way, my soul is matured only in its communion with God, when I am in His word and praying. Through the process, my heart and mind are growing and changing. This is a permanent shift that alters a person, beyond just reorienting the synaptic connections in a brain.  

It is true we can retrain our brain slowly over time with new habits. The reality is, this takes practice. Practice is a habitual way of acting, speaking, doing, thinking, etc. When you practice you can apply new beliefs, methods, ideas to life. That said, a person can practice being positive. They can practice being patient. They can practice sobriety. But practice requires discipline and striving which any human, at some point, falters with. I would argue, people cannot practice their way to true heart change.

Toad was new to gardening. He really liked Frog’s garden and wanted his own, he also saw it was hard work. He saw the daily labor required to care for the seeds. To Toad, Frog’s garden was all a product of the work Frog put into the land. Which is true to a point. However, Toad did not know, beyond Frog planting and watering the seeds, how little Frog controlled the growth of his garden. At a certain point, every gardener plants and prays for something to grow. It is called faith.

This image is one that comes to mind a lot when I’ve been reflecting on how I can receive rest from the Father. Mid-play, we can stop and draw near to Him.

I used to believe faith was equivalent to practice. We practice faith. However that very sentence implies striving, just as Toad strived by singing to dirt. Faith does not require work from us, we rest in faith, we hold fast to faith, we give thanks for faith. Faith is not from us, it is beyond us. We accept it. Toad did not mean to fall asleep and receive rest, in the end he is a toad. I on the other hand, when lying awake doom scrolling on my phone after midnight avoiding the shame-thoughts of the past, have a choice to make.

I can accept what has been done for me, accept who I am in light of that truth, and be at peace. Or I can listen to fragmented self-centered brain farts that mean nothing to no one but me and be consumed by anxiety. When stated like this, the answer is rhetorical but rest comes from peace in knowing nothing more needs to be done. Nothing else needs to be said to justify or explain. When we place faith in its proper place, there is no room for doubt.

“Do not dig up in doubt, what you planted in faith.”

- Elizabeth Elliot

As Toad saw in the end, growth only came after the rest, after faith was found.  “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7 

Go in Peace, friends.

My “resting” this winter looked a lot like this. Moving outdoors with little people bundled.